A couple crisis does not occur suddenly and various reasons can determine it. Here are the most frequent ones and how it is possible to overcome this difficult moment.
In love, roses and flowers are not always. Of course, at the beginning of a relationship, everything seems to be perfect, but time can ruin the love idyll, despite the strong feeling that binds the two partners. The term “couple crisis” scares as much as saying, “pause for reflection”. It seems that both mark the end of a relationship, while, if exploited in the right way, they can do it reborn. The causes that lead to a turbulent period of couple life are manifold and vary from history to history, but fortunately, there are solutions to overcome this.
Before I tell you what the symptoms and alarm bells are who signal us to a couple crisis and how it is possible to get out of it, remember that very often the difficulties with the person you love begin when the dialogue is interrupted. Never silence your feelings and always take something like love for granted.
The causes behind a couple crisis
Understanding whether you are experiencing a couple crisis, after all, is not that difficult. When a constant tension seems to hover in the air, when the discussions overcome the conversations made in peace and the desire to be in company with the partner has practically reduced to zero, then you are in the middle of a full-blown crisis. However, before we get to this situation, there are many alarm bells that warn us that our relationship is taking a far from positive turn. But what is behind all this? Obviously, the causes and reasons can be different depending on the couple, but the most common are certainly these.
1. The burden of habit
It frightens all couples and often seems to be inevitable. Establishing a habit within a relationship can have different consequences: some positive, because the two partners create their own rhythm to carry on their relationship, others decidedly negative and this is where several alarm bells go off that warn of the arrival of a crisis.
First, routine can become the number one enemy of intimacy. With “intimacy” we do not only indicate the sexual sphere , certainly important and essential for every love story, but also that mental complicity, made of understanding and confidences. If there is a loss of intimacy and a distancing is reached, then the dialogue fails and both the harmony between the two partners and the fun collapse. Being together seems to be an obligation and not a choice.
The drop in intimacy also leads to a lack of care for one’s appearance. Of course, in a relationship, it is right to show yourself to the sweet half as you are, without makeup and not necessarily in elegant clothes, but a lack of attention to yourself indicates a feeling of boredom, dissatisfaction and frustration. All this leads to a further decline in passion, thus establishing a vicious circle.
The betrayal is a difficult topic because it can be both a cause of a marriage crisis is a wake. In the latter case, the betrayal occurs immediately after the loss of intimacy and the estrangement between the two lovers. One of the partners “punishes” the other by betraying him or seeks the attentions that have now vanished within the life of the couple in the arms of another person. If, however, the betrayal were the spark of the conflict, then those who have been betrayed will have to reflect and choose whether they are ready to forgive and try to rebuild the relationship, perhaps lasting for years, or to definitively close the love story.
3. The birth of a child
It may seem strange, since the birth of a baby is an event in itself, it is a source of immense joy. However, it is also one of the most frequent causes that can trigger or increase, if it already exists, a couple crisis. Again, the reasons may be different. They range from feeling neglected by a partner to the decline or complete lack of complicity between the two lovers due to the new arrival in the family. Remember that if you and your partner were already experiencing a difficult period in your story, choosing to have a baby is not a solution at all. Indeed, very often the situation only gets worse.
As we have seen, it often happens that the causes and signals of a crisis get confused. In addition to those already identified, other alarm bells, to understand if your relationship is in crisis, are the constant need to lie or hide some things, constant criticism of your partner, an almost manic jealousy , a symptom of lack of trust, and a strong need to be alone or with your family , because your certainties in love are wavering and, therefore, you feel you have to “cling” to the “anchors of your life”, which are your family members or friends more trusted.
How to overcome the couple crisis
Overcoming a couple crisis requires teamwork. In fact, both partners must be willing to get involved, recognize their faults and not continually accuse the other. If you are experiencing a similar situation, we recommend that you follow these 5 steps to recover your relationship and give it a fresh start. This does not mean forgetting the past, but taking it as a starting point to try to improve and grow together.
1. Look for and understand the causes of the crisis
Blaming each other leads to nothing. Restarting a relationship requires careful work on yourself together with your partner. Ask yourself what was wrong in the last period, search alone and with your partner for the possible causes that have brought you up to that point and the signals to which you have not listened. To do this, many couples find it necessary to resort to couple therapy, especially if, at the beginning, they are unable to carry on a peaceful conversation. Whatever the chosen strategy, researching the causes of the crisis is the first fundamental step to take, in order to constructively learn the teachings of the past.
2. Find the dialogue again
As we have already anticipated, in the midst of a crisis, we do not talk to each other and the more we lock ourselves in our own bubble, the more the situation worsens. Therefore, if you have noticed this attitude in your story, the time has come to find dialogue with your partner. Finding again the dialogue does not only mean to start talking again, but to know how to do it. In fact, when a couple is in crisis, they tend to reduce dialogue but also exchange cold and hateful jokes. In this way, you will never arrive at a solution. Starting to converse again on the most varied topics, from the lightest to the deepest ones, is as important as learning to accept the opinions of others even if different from their own.
If you and he have come to live in a crisis, it is obvious that there have been faults on both sides. Certainly in some cases the guilt is more “evident” than others, as for treason, but one must always understand if one is willing to forgive . If you do it and you really want to overcome the crisis, then it must be a definitive choice. This means that if you have to fight in the future, you will not be able to reproach that old betrayal as an argument in your favor, because forgiveness requires sincerity and honesty. On the other hand, the partner who has cheated, will have to demonstrate all his commitment to deserve that forgiveness, trying to regain the trust of his better half.
4. Rebuilding intimacy
This is one of the biggest problems for every couple in crisis as, in the same way, it represents an essential step in recovering the relationship. Rediscovering intimacy means rediscovering both passion and mental harmony. To do this, it is necessary to go back to confiding in your partner, to reveal your desires and fears, reconstructing that emotional and emotional bond that was dissolving. Once the complicity in the dialogue has been rediscovered, it will also be easier to recover physical and passionate intimacy, the loss of which was one of the first signs of “turbulence” within the relationship.
5. Break the mold
It is true that habit can become a source of conflict, but it could also be good if exploited in the right way. In fact, it is normal for a certain routine to be established in everyday life. The important thing is to know how to use it to your advantage, that is, when there is an opportunity, it must be broken. Whether it’s on weekends, during a few holidays or even on a weekday, do something that makes both feel good, maybe going out with friends, taking a course or a sport together or, if possible, retiring for one or more days in one place remote. Only in this way can everyday life be faced and appreciated with a different spirit, positive and open to the future.
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