Love and respect children: childhood does not last long and should not be wasted; avoid prizes and punishments, completely useless, but respect the little ones, explain them gently how to behave and remember: sooner or later everyone learns. Here are some of the thoughts of the, taken from different books about parents.
“Every time a child is born, a father and a mother are born, and from that moment they grow together in wisdom and virtue”.
The author of pediatrician confirms that children are essentially good (and not clever manipulative and capricious) and that their emotional needs are important. Parents have a clear task: to give them affection, attention and treat them with respect and kindness. Here is their educational vision in 10 key concepts …
1) Children grow up fast, so enjoy their childhood and do not worry about small problems
Parents should always keep in mind that what today seem insurmountable problems, tomorrow will be anecdotes (remember maybe with melancholy). “Rest assured parents, soon your child will stop crying at night, he will learn to go to the bathroom, he will stop asking you to want to stay in his arms, to ask endless why children grow up, and we with them. Let us not allow the obsession to correct it to prevent us from taking pleasure in it “.
2) Parents have a natural authority over their children but must be exercised with respect and kindness.
It is a natural, unavoidable, indispensable authority. “We parents have authority because the children love us so much and want to obey. The little ones are very happy that they are parents who consider very strong and intelligent, to make decisions. Children want to obey. The parents must be aware of their authority and learn to give orders in an appropriate manner, i.e. with respect.
When a child is born, one must commit oneself to speak to them with respect, to give them information or instructions with education, to take them up when necessary, but without resentment or screaming. For example, say to a child: “Careful, do not touch breaks!” say it with a gentle tone and with a smile on your lips, it is already resuming it, nothing more. Obviously the kind and respectful tone should be extended to the whole family, to the partner, to the neighbors and to strangers. “We take the habit of asking please, to thank and smile: we will be happier and teach our children the right way to behave in society.”
3) Do not waste your authority on unimportant things
You cannot reproach your children, nor can you impose authority when it comes to unimportant things. Both because it is not reasonable, but also because, in doing so, authority is lost.
“Authority is like money: it serves to get many things, but the more it wastes, the less it remains.” Many parents waste their authority on matters that do not matter: “Do not put your fingers in your nose, sit up straight, finish the vegetables etc … “
Sometimes it is a succession of orders and prohibitions that become the background of the child’s life. How will the child distinguish, in this avalanche of orders, those a little more important as “do homework” or “do not play with the lighter? If a child is accustomed to hear shouting” No! “Every moment, he will come to a point where he will not notice it, even when the parent will cry to him not to cross the road a car is coming.
4) Children experience what is right and wrong. Do not take it but with love, explain the correct behavior to them
Parents often get very angry because the children repeat what has been forbidden. Children do this not for challenge, but because they are experimenting, they want to see the reaction of the great. “Children need time to learn, like us adults, and they have to understand what is right and what is wrong, and adult orders can be contradictory or unclear.”
So the advice is to react in front of the umpteenth wrong behavior calmly and explain with respect and love for the umpteenth time how it is done; without going on a rampage. To reassure yourself, keep in mind that with time the child will learn, for example, think that no one at ten will throw food on the ground and almost nobody will do it at five years. And think back to point 1, that childhood is a fleeting moment. And if you realize that you are struggling to hold back before you scream and then regret it: leave the room and come back when you are calm.
5) Learn from advertisers and politicians
“Drink Coca Cola”. This advertising slogan was one of the greatest global communication successes. Take an example. Advertisers do not express themselves violently or promising punishments or prizes. But only with simple patient and constant repetition, most people obey.
Another example is politicians’ diplomacy. When the great powers have to deal with small countries they often give up on minor issues and insist on the important ones, so that the small country can feel satisfied and preserve dignity. If you do the superpowers, you can do it too parents: focus on the important issues, let the minor ones run.
6) Children need rules, but they should not be taught as if they were matters of life or death
Children need our guidance and our help to learn how to do everything, from playing to brushing their teeth. But you cannot teach the minor rules, those related to convictions of daily life, as if they were matters of life and death. It is not the same thing if your child beats another child or puts his feet on the couch. In the latter case, just say gently: “Take off your shoes before getting on the sofa because it gets dirty”. Say it, explain the reason and repeat it with the same patience as often as necessary. You will discover that you can stop this behavior without punishing, screaming or beating, simply asking with education, explaining it patiently and repeating it without getting tired.
In the event that your child is beating another child, you will need to intervene more forcefully, holding him physically, moving him away and apologizing to the beaten up child. Finally explain to him calmly that the other children are not beaten.
7) If an adult does not eat, he is not punished. So why punish a child?
The punishment is completely superfluous in the education of children. First of all we must think that the overwhelming majority of adults do not punish adults. If a friend does something wrong, it is pointed out to him, but he is not punished. So why should you punish a child if you do not do it with a big one?
Moreover, if you go to see in schools, the best and most respected teachers are not those who threaten punishments.
Parents have the right and the duty to set reasonable rules, to teach good manners and to enforce them. But not to punish. Above all for behaviors that do not involve any crime. If a child does not want to eat everything, maybe he is not hungry. Nobody would punish an adult because he does not eat. So let the baby do not eat too.
If a child does not want to put on his coat before going out, it’s not out of spite, but it’s because he’s hot in the house and he’s still not able to figure out that it’s cold outside. It would be absurd to punish him for this. Rather, you can take the baby out without a coat, so he will feel cold and he will immediately want to wear his coat.
8) If a child does something just because he expects a prize, he will not learn to do it well
Even the rewards are useless and counterproductive. The explanation of the ineffectiveness of the awards is based on the distinction between internal motivation and external motivation. When we feel we are doing something because they asked for it, they forced us, they promised us a prize or put pressure, we do it little and badly. When we have the impression of doing something because we like it, we want it or because the idea came to us, we do it better and better.
9) Praise the result and the work done and not the child
Praises are not demotivating as prizes only if made to the result and to the trial and not to the person. For example, instead of saying: “You are very good at math” it is better to say: “You have studied a lot” (eulogy at the trial), or: “What a nice vote you took in math” (praise for the result).
The praise to the process and to the result are motivating: the child who receives praise tries to continue among things well. Especially if the parent shows a real interest.
On the contrary, the general praises of the person can be demotivating. The same applies to criticism. When it is necessary to make one, it is important to do it to the process or to the result, never to the person. Those who believe they have done something better are more willing to make new attempts to achieve better results. Who has received personal criticism seems to think “I’m not good, better to give up, I’m not capable”.
So the parent must abolish sentences like: “You are a disaster” “You never pay attention”, “What patience should I have with you”, and replace them with sentences: “You should end up putting away toys”, “Can you redo this division? “,” Attention, the shoes are muddied, the sofa will get dirty “.
“Our children must learn from an early age that we value them for their work, even if they do not always achieve the goal, that good results are the result of his commitment and not of innate capacity, that in the face of difficulties you can try again to give up. “
10) Nutrition: Give parents the example by eating healthy food and do not be harassing if you do not finish vegetables
Today, among adolescents there is an obesity problem, mainly due to the abuse of potato chips, sugary drinks and salt-rich precooked foods and fats.
But to prevent these attitudes parents should not be nagging with the little ones insisting that they eat everything and finish the vegetables. “When each meal becomes a battle, it is possible that growing will come to abhor some foods forever. If we respect children over the years, growing up will learn to eat a little of everything.
It is also important that parents set a good example, prepare healthy foods and eat them. “Eat your vegetables and stop harassing the baby. If there is only healthy food at home, children will eat healthy food, and if they do not want today’s dish, do not insist, do not promise, do not threaten or offer alternatives. For example, if you do not want chickpeas, do not offer yoghurt. If the child asks for it spontaneously, give it to him, otherwise do not propose it. Take him a good example of nutrition in the first years of life. Then he will continue on his own.”