Divorce is hard enough emotionally even when both parties agree across the board–which is a rarity on its own. Months and years of internal battles, soul-searching, and relationship counseling often go into the making the toughest and most final decision of your adult lives: you’re just happier and healthier apart. But that decision isn’t always a balanced or equal one. Many times one partner wants to continue fighting an endless battle or worse, wants to make the other partner suffer for the decision to leave. And in many cases, the resulting guilt, stress and emotional or financial fear are enough to reverse the decision to divorce altogether in lieu of empty promises and vows of less contention. Of course, there are always deeper reasons that led to the divorce decision in the first place and those will pop up again. Fortunately, there are some effective ways to avoid a high conflict divorce and move on with your life on your terms.
Try Not to Play the Blame Game
According to statistics, 90% of adults marry by the time they’re 50 and compared to marriage statistics, 40-50% of couples divorce. That means there’s a lot of blame floating around and your Michigan divorce attorney has heard it all. But Michigan is a no-fault divorce state, so the only people you’re really hurting by playing the blame game is yourself… oh, and probably your kids. Plus, the more time you waste on unnecessary things like blame, the more your divorce will cost because if you’re utilizing the attorney’s time, you’re being billed.
Maintain Civility and Work Out Divorce Terms Out of Court
Lawyers are essential to push the divorce through the court and maintain order and focus in serious situations. However, if you’re able to maintain civility and either work through the big decisions yourselves or use a moderator to help work out divorce terms, the effort can help expedite the divorce and even minimize costs and stress levels throughout the process. If nothing else, it can help you both maintain your dignity and mutual respect, both of which are especially important when kids are involved.
Don’t Use the Kids in Any Way
Speaking of kids, divorce isn’t a game of tug of war and they’re definitely not the rope. Based on their ages, children are able to handle limited details regarding the divorce. However, at no point should either parent ever use the child to spy on the other parent, to cause feelings of guilt or fear, or any other nefarious purposes. Instead, opt for family therapy when necessary to help everyone accept their new life roles and move into a safer and happier situation.
Avoid Social Media Shaming
There seems to be an endless supply of social media sites online but with almost 2.25 billion active users, Facebook is still the leader. Chances are, even if you’re not active on a regular basis you’re still connected to your ex–and many of their contacts. This means you likely have mutual friends, connection to each other’s family, and maybe even access to their boss and coworkers. This is often a recipe for disaster during the divorce proceedings. Divorce is devastating enough without airing out all your dirty laundry, losing friends, and potentially embarrassing your kids in the process. So if you feel the urge to purge online, delete your social media accounts. If nothing else, it may help you refocus on the big picture and maybe even avoid a high conflict divorce.